They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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