Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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