he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
