I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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