Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
