I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize