I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
