i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
