So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My cat gives me a boner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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