maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize