I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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