I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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