Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
