my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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