If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
