So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
