i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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