Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
