You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
