I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
