Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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