Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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