My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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