Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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