It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
