I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
