I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
