I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
