perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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