woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You are the jesus of drinking
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
