Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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