this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
