I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
