I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
