so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
