so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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