I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
