i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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