Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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