Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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