do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize