Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
