Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
