I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
