so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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