Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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