yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
