Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
