Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
