You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
