you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
