I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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