It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize