Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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