i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
