I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
