I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
