I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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