god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
