***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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