Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize