I got chris browned last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
3pm strippers are depressing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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