remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize