i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pants are for mortals
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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