i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
