I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please come you make the beer taste better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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