I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
