What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
