my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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