Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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