i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize