ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
