Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
