Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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