Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
